How to message someone you don't know (and get a reply)

Messaging a stranger feels awkward. It gets a lot easier once you know one thing: people like talking about their own job, especially to someone who's genuinely curious. You're not asking for a favor. You're asking for their perspective.

That's how our founder got into tech sales, and how the founder's sister did after years in restaurants. The story is here.

The principles

1. Ask about them, not for a referral. "Would you be open to a quick chat about your experience?" works. "Can you refer me?" from a stranger usually doesn't.
2. Keep it short. A connection note is 200 characters. A first message is three or four sentences.
3. Be specific. Mention the role, the company, or something real about them.
4. Make it easy to say yes, and easy to say no. 15 minutes, their schedule, no pressure.
5. Message the right people. People in the job you want reply most often, because they were in your shoes recently. Someone who lives near you is a bonus.
6. Don't mass-message. Three thoughtful messages beat thirty copy-pastes. People can tell.

Step 1: the connection request

Hi Maya, I'm looking into the SDR role at Gong and would love to hear about your experience there. Open to a quick chat sometime? – Alex

Step 2: the first message (once they accept)

Hi Maya, thanks for connecting! I'm moving into tech sales after five years in restaurants, and Gong is high on my list. I'd really value an insider's take, especially on what the SDR role is like day to day. Would you be open to a 15-minute chat in the next week or two? Happy to work around your schedule.

Step 3: following up

No reply after about five days? One friendly bump:

Hi Maya, just bumping this in case it got buried. Even 10 minutes would help a lot as I learn more about Gong. No worries at all if now isn't a good time.

Maybe one more a week later. After three messages, stop and reach out to someone else at the company. No reply is normal and almost never personal: people are busy.

How many people to contact

Two or three people per company, across about five companies, is a good start. Expect maybe one in four or five to reply. That's plenty.

The chat itself

Keep it to the time you asked for. Ask about their experience, listen, take notes. Questions that work well. Send a thank-you the same day, mentioning one thing you learned.

Asking for a referral

Only after a real conversation that went well. Many companies pay employees a bonus when someone they refer gets hired, so a good referral helps them too. Still, make it easy to say no:

Hi Maya, thanks again for the great conversation. I'm planning to apply for the SDR role. Would you be comfortable referring me, or pointing me to the right person to talk to? Totally understand if not. Either way, I really appreciated your help.

If they say yes, send your résumé and the job link, then apply and let them know you did. If they say no or don't reply, thank them anyway. You still learned something, and they might remember you later.

What not to do

• Don't ask for a job in the first message.
• Don't send your résumé before they've offered to look at it.
• Don't message ten people at the same company on the same day.
• Don't pretend to know them or have a mutual connection you don't.

Every message, written for you

When you open someone in your pipeline, we write each of these messages for that person, the job and the company. You copy it, paste it on LinkedIn, and tap how you sent it, and we remind you when to follow up.